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    Marcus's Doctor Appointment

    (Redirected from Marcus's Doctor Apointment)

    Characters

    Marcus
    2x2Master
    Afunhumaninter
    BERNHE
    Dr. Bery
    Misgnomer
    Polfax
    The lady at the welcome desk in the hospital
    Valvo
    The Uncivilized Mob

    Part 1: The Appointment

    looks at himself in the mirror

    You are not coal, yea you're gemmy! Yes, they're saying you're gemmy!

    Oh hi, Marcus.

    You are COAL!

    Mate, you need some real help.

    No, I am gemmy, you are coal! Just like in Ohio!

    I'll have to take you to the doctor's office.

    That's anti-sootist brimstone speak!

    thinking

    Yes, I'll prove to the WORLD that I'm a GEMERALD, and you cannot stop me!

    Calm down, Soymund, I'll set up an appointment with the doctor. And no, its not to prove how "gemmy" you are.

    calls the doctor

    You're set up for an appointment next week.

    KRUVTIST COAL! COAL! COAL!

    a week passes

    Okay Marcus, it's time for your appointment!

    Thvse dvctvrs are fvll of coal. Just like in Ohio! They're not gemmy, I'm gemmy!

    and walk up to Misgnomer and Marcus when they're about to get into the car

    and Oh hi Misgnomer.

    I hope you're handling him pretty well, he's such an awful person.

    He'll know we're the real gemeralds in time. At least I hope.

    All four of them get into the car

    whispers to Jeez, I hope he doesn't start projecting on us. I've never had a single good interaction with him.

    whispers to Thankfully though, he's just in JefBol's group at this point.

    Why are you two so kruvist coal? Are you implying that I'm not gemmy?!

    Everybody in the car begins laughing

    Nobody cares man! Deal with it!

    starts screaming in unintelligible soyjak.party jargon

    I bet Polfax has to know about this sometime.

    The four of them arrive

    Hi guys, how can I help you?

    I would like you to find out what is wrong with this person.

    All he did was yell words like "gemmy" and "coal" at us at his home and in the car, we really need your help.

    We really need your help.

    Like who would know what "gemmy" and "coal" actually mean? Just a thought.

    We can detain him until he can be taken away to the nearby mental health ward

    Time passes and Marcus is taken to the mental health ward

    finds himself in the office of Dr. Bery

    So what do these new terms of yours actually mean? Can you please fill me in?

    Black. Question discarded.

    I'm sorry, but racist comments will not be of any help here.

    What terms? Stop speaking in soot!

    I heard about "gemmy" and "coal" from the hospital, could you actually explain?

    Gemmy means gemerald, a very good soyjak! This is how it's like in Ohio!

    Interesting term, go on.

    Coal is you! And Afun! And 2x2!

    Misgnomer, 2x2Master, and Afun leave the hospital parking lot. A few days pass in the mental ward for Marcus and Bery

    Okay Marcus, it's time for your release. Misgnomer will be coming to pick you up very soon.

    Misgnomer, 2x2Master, and Afun arrive in car to pick Marcus up from the ward

    So Dr. Bery, how was the stay?

    He showed a few signs of improvement, but only time will tell if he'll really be better.

    Okay, so we'll meet up with Polfax and Bernhe in the amphitheater, am I right?

    I think around this time, yes.

    Part 2: The Amphitheater

    While at the amphitheater...

    So Bernhe, when will they be here?

    I hope they will come soon.

    Soyjak.party is so fucking terrible they need to be burned to the ground!

    Polfax lights a spliff at the amphitheatre, Bernhe moves away from him

    Yes, I vvill make sure we know what's really going on with Marcus at this point.

    The car arrives at the amphitheatre

    Why does this place smell like cannabis?

    It's probably Polfax, he's got a thing for smoking weed.

    whispers to himself The grand rendezvous of jewels and dust has begun.

    Why do I smell antimatter here?! I feel a dust storm of butter jewelry building up here. I call margarine!

    What do you mean?!

    Can you please talk normally? What a loser.

    The four of them walk down to the amphitheatre

    pulls out soyjaks he made of Bernhe, Bery, and 2x2Master while he was in the car

    GUYS AREN'T THESE GEMMY?!

    I vvill eliminate you from PCB forever! Inshallah!

    I don't respect people from the 'ki.

    So now what?

    I guess we'll let anyone go to the amphitheatre and speak I guess.

    2x2Master goes up to the stage

    I'm sure this will be better than whatever deranged rambling Marcus was planning, I guess.

    So now, let us talk about eshay cul-

    2x2Master's speech is broken

    'OAL! This is 'Stralian coal! Just like in Ohio!

    everyone begins laughing uncontrollably

    Let me show you what gemmy looks like! It's not from the 'ki or the 'cord, those are coals that kill the 'sharty!

    Marcus walks up to the stage while 2x2Master gets down

    I vvant to know what he's saying.

    For real, man.

    I don't know how somebody could be so fucked in the head.

    I am gemmy!

    Huh?!

    'Stone! 'STONE!

    BERNHE walks up to the stage

    I vvant to know vvhat you're saying! I cannot understand you!

    I am gemmy!

    Misgnomer and Afun walk up to BERNHE's area at the stage

    Tell me proof you're "gemmy".

    That's not even a real term!

    shouts It's soyjak.party, a magnet for extremely insufferable people!

    Gemmy is like a 'rald, 'jak posts that are gems!

    Give me proof you're this "gemerald".

    You are so coal because you use the 'ki and I'm gemmy! I AM A GEMERALD!

    Give us proof that you are a "gemerald"

    Marcus begins tearing

    whispers to What an insufferable loser he is.

    Afun, BERNHE, and Misgnomer begin backing away while everyone (except for Polfax who's starting to get a high from the marijuana he has been smoking in intervals) begins recording the scene on their phones

    Begins crying intensely I am a gemerald! I am a gemerald! I am, I am a gemerald! I am a gemerald, Doctor Bery! I am a gemerald!

    Wow, just like the Good Doctor, am I right?

    And Bery isn't even here. How the hell did he not realize that?!

    He's a fucking retarded child, that's why!

    How could I not agree with what you said?

    But I'm normal, and gemmy!

    I have concluded that is the worst possible way to prove that you are this "gemerald".

    True.

    Afun proceeds to call Bery after his shift at the mental health ward had ended

    Privet.

    Hallo, wie gehts?

    Good, you?

    I'm doing good, how's Marcus doing?

    We all went to the amphitheatre, and he had a mental breakdown. It was kinda funny tbh.

    Afun proceeds to send Bery the footage from earlier

    What terms did he use?

    Dust, antimatter, gemmy, all that. I guess what you get for spending 16 hours a day on Soyjak.Party.

    yells Why do you hang out with 'kioids?!

    begins playing "Graduation" by Kanye West out in the open

    Bery, I have to go, thanks you for talking, bye!

    Afun hangs up on the phone

    I need to confront this weedstone over there, hoping the worst for you!

    Polfax, stop listening to chud rap music!

    let's go back to the cars, okay?

    2x2Master, Afun, BERNHE, and Polfax go to Polfax's car while Misgnomer and Marcus go to Misgnomer's car

    Part 3: The Cinema

    In Misgnomer's car...

    What did you mean by "chud" at the amphitheatre?

    I don't like coal brimstone chudded rap music, that's all! I listen to gemmy music only!

    Which is...

    Russian gem anthems! BVSED TRVD GVMMY RVSSIVN ANTHVMS!!

    Boring as fuck, man. I wouldn't listen to Russian music all the time.

    Marcus begins rambling in soyjak.party jargon unintelligibly to the average Joe

    Can you try looking for better music that isn't all Russian patriotic music?

    No, you are so coal for that! RUSSIAN PATRIOTIC IS SO GEMMY!! Just like in Ohio!

    I don't want to have to take you back to Dr. Bery's office. It costs us over 1000 dollars to have you there.

    If I'm taking dollarstone from you coals, that's good! Why do I care about coals and dusts?!

    I'm sorry, but I may have to drop you off at this sidewalk. You're getting on my nerves, now fuck off!

    I AM SVVTIST GEMERALD, YOU ARE COAL! COAL! COAL!

    Marcus proceeds to leave Misgnomer's car, and Misgnomer proceeds to drive home

    While in Polfax's car...

    Are you up for watching a movie?

    Sure!

    Not really, I'll head over to Misgnomer's house later for dinner.

    Afun's phone begins ringing

    Oh hello!

    Hi afun, just finished working out at the gym. Maan I was so high I was tripping balls! Now, what's up?

    Good, I'm going to be watching a movie with my friends. Do you want to come?

    Sure! I'll get myself high again afterwards, though.

    Hey Polfax, what do you want to do when you get to Misgnomer's home?

    I'll probably smoke a joint or two.

    One thing I don't like about you, Polfax.

    Pretty cool, Valvo wants to get high too.

    Valvo, do you want to get high with Polfax after the movie?

    That'd be fine with me. By the way can you tell Polfax to pick me up from the local gym for the movie?

    Hey Polfax, can you pick up Valvo from the gym? He told me over the call that he also wants to see the movie.

    I wouldn't mind him really. I'm fine with him.

    Valvo proceeds to hang up

    Oh, this is the guy from Afun's top ten, right?

    Yep. He's the one.

    Polfax proceeds to pick up Valvo on the way to the movie and head to the cinema 40 minutes before the movie actually starts. Everyone but Polfax is dropped off at the cinema; Polfax drives home to Misgnomer's place. Polfax proceeds to text Misgnomer if it's okay to smoke marijuana near his home, and he approves.

    Now with Marcus, using public transportation...

    Marcus, right after leaving Misgnomer's car, gets on the first bus in his trip. He pays the fare reluctantly.

    whispers to himself This driver is a ruby because he let me get on despite making me pay. This is why he's rubyish, not gemmy. He's just short of being sootist and gemmy.

    Nobody else notices. On the second bus, he isn't really so lucky...

    Marcus proceeds to get onto another bus that will take him to the cinema. At this point, the other four are already seated in the cinema, waiting for the movie to start. At this point it's evening, and people are coming home from work.

    whispers to himself This bus driver let me on, too. He's ruby because he's not really gemmy because I had to pay. I hope no brimstone hears me-

    The guy behind him: What?

    I just didn't want any busstones to hear me!

    The guy behind him: What is that?

    YOU'RE BRIMSTONE!! Marcus begins tearing up YOU'RE A BUS 'STONE!

    Everybody else in the bus: What's wrong with you?

    I'm gemmy, and you're all coal!

    Everybody else in the bus: Nobody cares! begins moving away from him

    Why are you moving away from some sootist 'emmy bvsed trvd rvssivn Chrvstivn mvn?!

    Marcus begins tearing up, yet again

    You are all dust and butter coal!!

    Everybody else in the bus: Can you please leave? We don't need to put up with this anymore!

    But..I..am...gemmy! I AM GEMMY! YES, I AM GEMMY!

    Bus Driver: Whoever you are, can you please stop? or I'll have to call the police.

    It just happens that I'm at the cinema...GOODBYE SHARTYPOOPERS!!

    Soymund arrives at the cinema within two minutes of the movie starting. He gets the last seat, on the right side of the theater, away from the other four PCBers. At this point, the four have bought popcorn buckets and Coca-Colas for the movie.

    Did you guys see Soymund enter at the back of the theater?

    Yea, I heard him come in. He looks like something bad happened to him.

    Agh yes, look who's here?

    I hope this moviegoing time will be okay.

    The lights dim, and the movie begins. For a bit over two hours, everyone is intently focused on the happenings within the movie. But then...

    whispers to himself This movie is so coal.

    Marcus walks up in front of the entire crowd to the area near the screen. Sobbing, he turns his face around, looking at the entire crowd as they are all focusing on the movie.

    ATTENTION PLEASE!

    whispers to 2x2Master, BERNHE, and Afun I hope I don't hemmorhage from tonight.

    Me neither.

    I'm genuinely afraid of what he's going to say.

    This person needs to be shot.

    Inshallah we vvill remove Marcus from this cinema forever

    THIS MOVIE IS...COAL!!!

    Of course he'd say that.

    One more reason we need better eugenics...

    sarcastic tone I pray to Lord BERNHE for better eugenics...

    THIS IS A 'STONE, THIS WILL KILL THE 'SHARTY AS PROPHESIED!!

    I don't know what this is man.

    Of course. He's probably the only one in these four walls who browses Soyjak.party for more than ten hours a day.

    Not even I can do that.

    Same here.

    I can see you laughing, and I can see you smiling...

    The four of them begin laughing

    GO WATCH A GEMMY MOVIE INSTEAD! JUST LIKE IN MOTHERFUCKING OHIO!!

    What did Ohio have to do with this? I'm a UK native, so you guys can fill me in.

    It's him being a fucking retard.

    ALL OF YOU ARE DUST AND HWNBAGCELS FOR COMING TO SUCH A COAL MOVIE!! proceeds to pull out a soyjak drawn on an A3 paper he had folded in his pocket

    The other guy sitting next to Valvo: Nice coming here, but this ruined my moviegoing experience for today. Bye!

    Like why did he have to come here if he knew he wouldn't like the movie? Dawwwwg somebody needs to lynch this man

    THIS IS YOU!! /B/'ARTY WILL WIN AGAIN!!

    Did he just take the time to say "barty"?

    I'm tired of him.

    WATCH A BVSED SVVTIST MOVIE INSTEAD!

    Who even cares at this point?

    I AM GEMMY! I AM GEMMY! YOU ARE ALL COAL FOR MAKING FUN OF MY GEMMISH SAYINGS!

    Chuds, you're too coal to live a fulfilling live. This movie is poison that'll kill the 'sharty, sorry, you lose!!

    The movie credits roll. They will remember this night not for the movie, but for what Marcus had said.

    walk up to Marcus, still in front of the movie screen

    What was up with all that?

    I'll check if our rides are already here.

    Afun goes outside to check the parking lot. Misgnomer has arrived in his car, just not Polfax. He proceeds to tell the others.

    Misgnomer is here to pick us up.

    /soot/ has won again.

    For the most part, I liked the movie.

    Valvo gets a text confirmation from Polfax that he is already in the lot.

    It was nice watching the movie...for the most part I guess. But I wonder...how could one person be so fucked over?

    - Thank you very much for the company, bye!

    Valvo leaves the theater and carpools with Polfax to his place. Afterwards, the two obtain a large sum of cannabis from the local dispensary. They drive home, and after that, they play rap and thrash metal in the house while smoking the weed. They get high, in usual fashion.

    Wow, that was Valvo. I've heard he likes Megadeth too.

    And also, Pantera. He's done rap before, but nothing like what we do, is that true?

    I listen to a lot of rap music, I guess.

    What a day.

    I've been listening to Graduation by Kanye West quite a bit, I recommend you give it a listen too.

    Thank you!

    The four of them, including Marcus, leave the cinema and enter Misgnomer's car.

    How was the movie?

    The movie was anti-/soot/ist cinema'stone.

    How the hell did YOU get here?!

    I took the rubyish bus'jak system to get there.

    Okay, and yes, Valvo came with us in Polfax's carpool. Based, as always.

    Marcus, we'll need to have a talk when we get home. And how is Valvo?

    Pretty good, he's currently on his way to Polfax's place to smoke weed and blast music.

    My lord, it was a LONG story.

    Part 4: The Appointment...Again

    Misgnomer turns the ignition key, and the five of them are off.

    /dog/ You're so coaly!

    You know, you might warrant another trip to Beryboy's office. Misgnomer has the final say, so what do you think?

    Maybe if he was really that bad at the cinema earlier.

    So we arrived to the cinema In Polfax's car while you were away. So 2x2Master, myself, Valvo, and BERNHE went in to watch the movie while Polfax returned home with you.

    Damn, it only got worse from there.

    We bought many buckets of popcorn and sodas. I sat next to Valvo and BERNHE while 2x2Master sat on BERNHE's other side. And then we waited over half an hour for the movie to start because we got there so early.

    And then all hell broke loose.

    Not yet.

    Soymund came in at the last minute, with him sitting in the back row seats. After over two hours of peaceful movie...

    And then all hell broke loose.

    It was so awful what happened next. You guys won't believe it.

    BUT I WAS JUST TRYING TO WARN PEOPLE OF THE COAL!! I DID NOTHING WRONG!!

    Shut up. And then he walked to the front of the cinema where he began yelling in unintelligible soyjak party language.

    Everyone looks like a neurotypical in comparison-

    Why do you talk like a sperg, saying everyone is more normal than me? You and Afun is the coal ones and I'm the gemmy one, both of you should be giving homage to me, not the other way around.

    Afun ain't that bad, honestly.

    COAL ALERT!!

    And then we started laughing so hard as he was rambling.

    Marcus proceeds to shit his pants in the car

    There's something seriously wrong with this person, if you can even call him one.

    But I'm SOOOO GEMMY! Yes, I'M THE GEMMY ONE HERE!! /SOOT/ SHALL WIN AND REVIVE THE 'SHARTY!!

    I'll kill the sharty myself if I have to.

    You're worse than brimstone!! Stop poisoning the waters!

    I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

    What 16 hours of Soyjak.Party a day does to you.

    Uboy sebya!

    I'm sorry but I don't know Russian.

    He's telling me to...keep myself safe.

    What an IMPERFECTION...

    That shithole is really a massive cope party...

    The car begins to smell AWFUL

    What is that smell?

    Proof you're coal. And that I'm /pol/ winning gemmy.

    looks at BERNHE and Afun Are we going to have to do your laundry?

    Probably, sadly.

    He just couldn't wait to get home...

    Okay, so they FINALLY get home. And Marcus has a massive stain on his underside.

    Guys, I'll go into this room to call up the hospital again.

    Misgnomer calls up the hospital, and they schedule for an appointment in about a week.

    The Lead-to-Gold plant...I meant...the Gemmy-to-Coal facility!

    Marcus actually shat his pants, so what do we do?

    Stop speaking in /coal/.

    A week passes

    Marcus, it's time for your trip to the hospital!

    WHY ARE YOU SO BRVMSTVNE?!?!

    And yes, you're gemmy right? In actuality,...

    NO! He's a mentally ill fuck!

    COOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!!

    Marcus proceeds to pull out a BERNHEjak he made in his free time

    Holy shit...

    You literally just... signals to the others to continue the sentence

    pooped your pants.

    No. /b/ wins again. Just like in O-

    Illinois!

    Marcus proceeds to undergo an autistic meltdown, once again throwing around too much soyjak.party jargon.

    Man I'm sorry, but you'll have to come with me.

    Marcus, 2x2Master, Afun, and BERNHE follow Misgnomer to the car to be taken to the hospital.

    While in the car...

    Hey afun, do you know what he used to be like?

    Yes, just slightly less awful back then.

    Marcus begins having flashbacks...

    Hail Russia!

    Guys, I will liberate you from the evil spectre among us! Follow me!

    I'll move our collective art projects over there, too.

    Those idiots are brimstone chauvinists. /b/ shall win again! Just like in Ohio!

    You mean, Norway?! Can you stop being a [REDACTED]?

    We need to establish a free society where everyone can-

    This green rabbit figure captures the other three mysterious figures into a large chicken coup except for Marcus, who somehow runs away. These three obscure figures are somehow taken somewhere unknown

    F*CK YOU EVIL RABBIT!!

    /coal/.

    Now back in the car...

    sobbing Where are these three people now?

    Who?

    The Norwegian, the Pole, and the German? I've had this feeling that you associated much with them in the past.

    Them.

    People say they've been detained in Mr. Bery's wing since the big day, mate.

    I also remember that /rabbit/ 'stone. COAL ALERT!!

    Nah, he's fine.

    What was this "rabbit" colored?

    Black, green, and dark greenish-blue.

    Coal color combo. CCC.

    Did you just have a flashback from the Great Crackdown?

    Man I lost an amazing friend in that crackdown...

    But overall, it was pretty good. Actually, this "bunny man" or "rabbit figure" was one of those orchestrating the whole thing.

    I don't know how someone could be as Russophilic as that...pole.

    They need to be crippled, sanctioned, and crushed until we can shove our Western values down their throat.

    Interesting take.

    WHY ARE YOU INSULTING MY /MOTHERLAND/!?!?

    Почему не? Путину - сука

    УБОЙ СЕБЯ! ВЫ ВСЁХ /уголь/!

    Oh lord, it's Marcus and Afun shouting at each other in Russian.

    Почему ты крайне одержим с сойджеками?!

    Marcus begins to break down and cry once again

    Я буду говорить этом по-английски из-за я хочу БЕРНХЕ и Мисгномер понимают, YOU'RE FULL OF COAL!!

    Okay, so this is the conclusion of all the Russian talk.

    He wanted every single one of us to understand this one part, I guess.

    How pathetic.

    They finally get to the hospital. Marcus is walked into the hospital by BERNHE and Misgnomer.

    /hospital/stone!

    Wow, he doesn't even smell right.

    He accidentally pooped his pants in the car recently.

    Marcus is cleaned up at last and taken to Bery's office.

    Oh yea, it's you again. Marcus, were you connected to these people? Shows Marcus mugshots of the Norwegian, Pole, and German.

    Maybe?!

    Misgnomer gave me reports of you breaking out in the car as well as yelling at people in Russian. What was that for?

    Afun and Misgnomer are, you know, so coal.

    I know who they are, and no, they're not that bad. Afun just has a few issues with my bestie, but that's his problem. And yes, so does BERNHE.

    You are coal! Coal-colored and coal 'jakked!

    Afun coal. Your bestie is Aussie 'stone. Bernhe coal.

    What was your flashback like?

    I saw those three people in my flashback, and they were whining about their desire to break everyone free from something. And then this rabbit-shaped man came out of nowhere and pulled them! Those three are gemmier than the bunny man!

    What is the color of said bunny man?

    CCC.

    If I'm going to talk to you, you'll need to talk to me in familiar terms.

    If you say so. It's the Coal-Color-Combo, or black, green, and dark greenish-blue.

    So it's the one orchestrating the Great Crackdown, am I right?

    Yes.

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