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    Kitties' Law is an internet law pertaining to the degradation and eventual death of a subculture. It states that, as time progresses, a previously hip subculture will gain a younger and younger audience and become progressively less cool. Ultimately, the subculture will reach middle schools worldwide, at which point it is officially uncool for the rest of eternity.


    As with everything in life, there are exceptions to this law. Until all preteens are replaced with Jessi Slaughter clones, it is unlikely that fetish subcultures will infiltrate the halls of our grade schools.

    The law may be observed in internet-based and smaller subcultures on a more subtle scale, though they sometimes fade into the stupidity archives before they can die a humiliating, piss-soaked death.

    Examples in Nature

    Dead Subcultures

    • Goth: perhaps the most famous example of Kitties' law in effect. Once an expression of child-like angst among 20-somethings, it is now known as 'babby's first rebellious streak'.
    • Punk: punk arose as a means to rebel against the establishment. The label is now claimed by every 10-year-old who's ever listened to Green Day.
    • Emo: a more recent example of subculture death; emo arose from the punk rock scene, was castrated, and invaded junior highs in record time. It is expected to replace goth as the default 'rebellious' subculture within a decade.
    • Scene: this glitter-drenched offshoot of emo is perhaps the most recent subculture to die. With 12-year-olds like Jessi Slaughter setting an example for future cum-guzzlers worldwide, there's no doubt that this subculture will fester like a bedsore within the tween population for a couple of years.

    Dying Subcultures

    • Hipster: To the dismay of PBR-worshipers everywhere, most high-schools are overrun with boys and girls who wear knitted caps and don't understand irony. It is at step eleven upon the subculture lifecyle- expect it to meet its end within 2 years.
    • Steampunk: This gear-infested subculture has been hovering around steps 7 and 8 for a while. Its eventual death is most likely being stalled by the ridiculous amount of money it takes to dress like an era-confused cyborg. It's very possible that a bastardized, watered-down version of steampunk may be what finally kills the hipster beast. Not that steampunk is any less awful.

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