Bacon x Canadians

Canada- it can certainly be compared to Florida or New Jersey as their polar opposites... for different reasons, of course. Both Canada and New Jersey are liberal but New Jersey is New Jersey, and Florida is more conservative and hot. Come to think of it though, both New Jersey and Florida are crazy... but whatever. The point is that Bacon decided one day that she was going to Toronto, Canada. "Why Toronto?", one invisible voice inside of my head that keeps telling me to blow up the entirety of Samoa might say. And to that I say; "Shut the fuck up, I have been given a bare bones plot here, so stick with it." Now, Bacon is a dumbass- a horny one at that, but still quite a dumbass. She does not know what "Canada" is or the fact that it is cold, so she assumed that because it is summer she could wear a bikini. Beaches, am I right? Unfortunately for Bacon, wearing a bikini is a stupid fucking idea because a. Canada is cold, and b. it is not summer, check the calendar you FUCKING moron. But she did anyway! She went to the airport and flew off to Toronto with her overpriced, expensive airplane tickets and arrived. She immediately proceeded to get Tim Hortons, because for some reason Tim Hortons don't fucking exist in America for some reason, and she was tired as fuck after being on a long ass plane ride- so coffee would have helped. After drinking her coffee, she then proceeded to check in at the nearest hotel, which she should have done first, and getting CHANGED and DRESSED into her bikini. What? You thought she was in that the entire time? Dress codes exist on planes. I think. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Her long, black and red hair would flow through the wind as she began to undress herself- by "wind" I mean light breeze because the window's shut and that's just the fan. Her physique was one of femininity- androgynous of course, but definitely leaning towards the feminine side. She had D-cups, a slim yet proportional waist and large hips to go with it. As many people would say, "Shawdy has a fatty!". After putting on her bikini, she would then head out the door and hop in her rented car, driving off to the beach. Unfortunately because everything and everyone in Canada is shit, her car broke down in the middle of a forest. FOREST? TREES? TIMBER! H-h-h-h-oly motherfucking SHIT! That means LUMBERJACKS!

But these weren't just any lumberjacks, no-no-no. They were sitting at a picnic table and having a discussion... a discussion about POLITICS! Now, being the PCBtard she was, she couldn't resist the urge of checking out the conversation, so she hopped out of her car and carefully snuck up behind them. To her horror, they were all talking... about LIBERALISM! They were all debating over whether Trudeau sucks ass or not (he does), but they were all in agreement that they were all going to vote for the liberal party! Being the Anarcho-Council-Libertaro-Hentaic-Communist she was, she HATED liberals! Liberals SUCK! It angered her SO much that she rushed out of the bushes she was hiding in towards the lumberjacks. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!", she screamed, her breasts bouncing due to, you know- her fucking running and somehow not just falling out of her bikini due to how hentai physics work. Unfortunately for her she failed to consider that she is puny and lumberjacks are not, so she just bumped into a lumberjack as he turned around to face her. "Aye aye, lil' miss. What's gotten into you? Why are you in a bikini?", the lumberjack said. "I was going SWIMMING, but my CAR broke down.", she grumbled. The lumberjack looked back towards the others with a confused look on his face because it wasn't even summer and she was actually driving north away from Lake Toronto. After... a short moment of contemplating how stupid this girl was, he opened his mouth again, "... Ma'am, this isn't the right way to go swimming. You're heading north, the beach is south."

But Bacon had NONE of it! This... LIBERAL CANUCK would not TELL HER DIRECTIONS! "Shut the fuck up, Canuck Libbie!", she screamed. "Lumberjacking SUCKS! And so do the Maple Leafs!" Normally, Canadians would have brushed her off as just a crazy, cranky woman... but there's one thing you NEVER, NEVER say to a Canadian: Don't EVER, say that their favorite sports team sucks. All of the other lumberjacks gasped and grumbled in disappointment and appalment, the expression of the lumberjack in front of her changing from that of confusion to that of anger and FURY in only a few seconds. "The FUCK did you say, Doughhead?", the outraged lumberjack said. All of the other lumberjacks began to slowly and ominously back off into the bushes, not because I told them to because I hate writing threesome/foursomes, but because... uhm.. uhh- They had a... family crisis. Yeah, family crisis... thing... whatever it's called.

Then they had sex. The end. (if you want the ORIGINAL, non-censored version then go find my discord. yes, i am making you HUNT for it.)

Comments

 * [[File:Baconicon.png]] - this is the best fic I've read in a long time. Keep up the good work. Your writing is infinitely better than mine. I accept my defeat in the nsfw fic writing.