The self inserts do stuff and die

List of self-inserts that appear in this fic, the basic idea that the self-inserts do stupid random things. Written by Plenderplar


 * [[File:PCB=Airisu.png]] Airisuism
 * [[File:Lex.png]] Anarcho-Crypto-Capitalism
 * [[File:Fiat.png]] F.I.A.T
 * [[File:JoeyFloppa boo.png]] JoeyFloppaism
 * [[File:Nazcaptransh.png]] Heinrich-Cheungism
 * [[File:METBOL.png]] Metbolism
 * [[File:Neo-Bsaheedism-icon.png]] Neo-Bsaheedism
 * [[File:Nullball.png]] Nullism
 * [[File:Oofit icon.png]] Oofitism
 * [[File:Plen.png]] Plenderplarism
 * [[File:Potashism.png]] Potashism
 * [[File:Lpyapersonicon.png]] Lpyapersonism
 * [[File:Neoafun.png]] Neo-Afunhumaninterism
 * [[File:Kirakween.png]] Kira Kween Thought
 * [[File:Daveism-icon.png]] Daveism
 * [[File:Oiboioi.png]] Oiboioiism
 * [[File:Piism.png]] Piism
 * [[File:Butter.png]] Butterism
 * [[File:Gabduff-icon.png]] Gabrialduffeyism
 * [[File:Conseil.png]] Conseilism
 * Rutabagism
 * [[File:Quarkismball.png]] Quarkism

It was a normal day in self-insert land or so it seemed. Each of the self-inserts lived in an area according to their position on the compass. Then, Airisuism decided to do something STOOPID. Being self-inserts, everyone decided that this was a good idea and since polcompballs can’t die, they started to do very stupid stuff.

Chapter 1: Airisu
One day, Airisuism was walking along the LibLeft quadrant when she was hit with a rock. This triggered a brain issue that caused her to want to do something stupid. However, this garnered the attention of F.I.A.T, who liked the idea, spreading it to Lolbert self-inserts in hopes that they would take care of themselves for him. Despite the lolberts falling for it, this also affected Auth users as well and F.I.A.T also started to want to do something stupid.

“WATCH THIS!” Airisu said as she went over to Kira Kween Thought and tried to steal one of their baras so she could make it into a catboy. This T R I G G E R E D KK and they slapped Airisu. Then, Airisu drew a bunch of Joey x Airisu pr0n which got her CM taken away. For the grand finale, she attempted to burn down the Mises Institute, which is, if you think about it, is actually a great idea. This led to her getting beaten to death by angry Misestards.

Chapter 2: Lexsiek
”I CAN DO EVEN BETTER,” said ACC. Basically, what it did was sell a bunch of stock on GME, which tanked, liquidating all of his assets. Mining even more crypto, he tried to make his own cryptocurrency, but then, Elon Musk came out of nowhere and stole all of it, replacing it with worthless Ethereum. Now that ACC’s assets were completely liquidated, he rampaged over to the Mises Institute to steal all of their money, where he got trampled by even more angry Misestards.

Chapter 3: Oiboioi
Shortly after ACC was killed, Oiboioism had planned to kill all untermensch ideologies but before he can do anything, he explodes for no reason which results in his death. Heinrich-Cheungism cleaned up the mess but fortunately the explosion also killed the Misestards. Meanwhile Metbolism, Joeyfloppaism and Neo-Afunhumaninterism celebrate the death of Airisuism and then start talking about things such as their plan to murder all leftist ideologies. They also want the other rightist ideologies to join them however they also kept their plan a secret due to not all rightist ideologies not wanting to murder people who aren't capitalists and they also wanted it to be a surprise attack. Gabrialduffeyism comes and the others ask to join the plot but he thinks that they're insane and should not underestimate the strength of the leftists and he then left.

Chapter 4: Plenderplar
Plenderplarism went down to the libleft area to see one of his rivals Potashism to convince him that Plenderplarist communism was real communism. He approaches him and then they start arguing aggressively. Plenderplarism got very angry and accused Potashism of being a crimethinker while Potash couldn't even understand what Plenderplar was saying because he was speaking entirely in newspeak. This enraged Plenderplar and he got a chainsaw out so he could kill Potashism but before could strike he somehow accidently managed to slice his own head off with the chainsaw which left him dead. Potashism celebrated that that Plenderpal was dead and celebrated by jumping off a cliff to dive into water but he forgot how to swim and drowned.

Chapter 5: BERNHE0504
While Plenderplar was busy killing himself, F.I.A.T thought it was a good idea to burn all of the pr0n at Polcoomball to the ground. He did that and was chased by angry coomers until he got to Reddit, where the coomers dispersed. Then, he went to AHS and spammed “BARDFINN IS A MAN LOL” on literally every post he saw. After getting permanently banned on AHS, he got angry and copy/pasted the entire Fascist Doctrine on r/MarchAgainstNazis. This really pissed off some janny on the site (u/Aedeus), so he started to chase F.I.A.T, who then burned his “FUCK DONALD TRUMP” flag to spite him. F.I.A.T decided that he had enough Reddit for one day, so for his grand finale, he went on 4chan and photoshopped the AHS mods onto pictures of fat people falling down stairs, generating tons of lulz. Unfortunately, this triggered ANOTHER AHS mod (u/BaphometsDaughter) who cast a Satanic spell on F.I.A.T, who later FUCKING DIED due to choking on napalm after swallowing it whole.

Chapter 6: Butterism
Butterism sighs as he slams the table, investigating JoeyFloppaism because he's a lib right lol. Anyways, Butters steals the snatches his reward of coke, because robbery is a form of expression obviously. He runs off to the Auth Left corner and starts doing lines, breathing heavily as his mind spiraled and blacked out. He wakes up because OD is too boring and he'd rather throw himself into the sun as his final stance. Once he wakes up he goes to discord and harasses children because they're boring and have no purpose in life but to hate the education system and cry. Eventually, a discord moderator found his I.P address, traced it to his actual address and then the discord moderator killed him and then did some NC-17 rated [THIS SEGMENT HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE FBI].

Chapter 7: Piss Ghost (JoeyFloppa)
From an interview by PCBA news:

Technocracy: Good evening! I’m Technocracy, your host and trusted advisor. We start the program with a murder. The victim was a piss ghost and the suspect is an AnQueerCom gender-confused furry addicted to baras. Here, a friend of the piss ghost in question gives his opinion:

Neo-Afunhumaninterism: I was at home eating dorito when Mises call. Joey is kill. No.

Technocracy: Opinions are mixed when it comes to this murder. Some are happy that the piss ghost is dead, but most of them are really sad. He was murdered when the furry in question was confronted by the ghost for shrieking autistically at a body pillow. Afterwards, the furry activated their stand and beat the living crap out of the piss ghost, who died from a curb sto...

Ram Ranch Model: F*CK HER RIGHT IN THE...


 * The camera cuts and the news goes off the air for the remainder of the timeslot*

Chapter 8: Metbol
Fast forward a few months to June. Pride month. Metbol decided to cause a ruckus and went to Berkeley to count all of the made-up genders and sexualities he could find. He found a grand total of 127 genders, 78 sexualities and 14 “kinks”. The kinks in particular pissed Metbol off, so he went back, stole F.I.A.T’s flamethrower (he won’t be using it anymore) and burnt all of the kinksters alive. This triggered all of the non-binary pansexual womyn at the march, since most of them were watersexual and flames triggered them because flames evaporate water, and they chased Metbol. Since most of them were biological men, they were faster and stronger than women, but, due to the hormone imbalance messing with their brain, they were a lot dumber. Metbol outran them easily.

Afterwards, he went home, where he discovered that the CEO of Antifa put a bounty on his head. This prompted Metbol to leave AuthRight and become LibRight so he could live in a log cabin and die in a shootout with a joint force comprised of the IRS and a bunch of gender studies students. A few months later, that’s what happened, but the gender studies students got to him first and dragged him back to Berkeley, where a bunch of Wiccans cast a spell on Metbol, turning him into this cursed abomination.

A little while later, Metbol hung himself.

Chapter 9: Neo-Afunhumaninterism
Neo-Afunhumaninterism had to cancel the plans to murder all the leftists since the two other leaders were dead. He founds some live electrical wires, he believed that giving himself an electric shock would give him super powers so he could murder the leftists but when he touched the wires he was instantly killed.

Chapter 10: Gabrialduffeyism
GabrialDuffey heard the news that all three leaders of the plot to kill all the leftists were dead. He thought them dying themselves was a bit too extreme but at least there wouldn't be a conflict between the right and left. However, he later turned insane and went on a rampage and vandalised everything, he wanted to kill the suspect of JoeyFloppa's murder. He finally approached Kira Kween Thought and fatally shot them.

GabrialDuffeyism was now in the crosshairs of pretty much every leftist self-insert on the Anarchy due to his Sabkvian vandalism rampage and his murder of KKT. He was found by Oofitism, who forced him to watch Naruto until he became a degenerate weeb. Eventually, partly due to the fact that he’s gay, he got into hentai and became a coomer. Seeing that he was spiraling down an infinite drain of degeneracy, he threw himself into the hands of angry leftists before he got into loli. They threw him in prison, where he broke his own inner circlejerk and became a better man as a result, turning into a Chad.

The leftists didn’t care and they shot him a few days later.

Chapter 11: Daveism
Daveism was being freaked out that all these self-inserts were being killed. He feared that he was next. However this did not stop him from doing stupid stuff. It became quite cold across the entirety of self-insert land due to an abnormal increase in Tankies and AuthCenters. They brought their Soviet winter with them and made it the second Antarctica. Since agriculture was the biggest guild in Daveism at the time and it was no longer sustainable, his economy raped itself and it became the Communism no Foodism scenario IRL. Having lost everything, Daveism decided to end it all by burning himself alive to provide fire to his people.

Chapter 12: Oofitism
Oofitism was collecting shit because he is a poo poo leftist ideology. His shit collection was now getting very large and smelly and the smell reached areas outside the libleft quadrant. Eventually, a bunch of Oofit’s shit samples went down his sump pump, destroying the plumbing system in his house. Ironically, Oofit was taking a shower when this happened, so he was scared when the shower started to fill with watery poo poo slurry. He tried to get out and he did, but he was literally caked head to toe in shit water. He got very sad when he found his scrumptious poop socks floating in his now-flooded kitchen. “NOOOOO! WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT FOR LUNCH?!” Oofit yelled.

Eventually, he left his house just in time for the poop to react with his furnace, causing his house to explode due to the insanely concentrated levels of methane in the house. The horrible smell of old, moldy, burning shit enveloped the entire compass, attracting AESDPF, who raped him to death because it thought that Oofit was a gigantic turd, considering that he was still covered with the stuff.

I don’t know if this belongs on Polcoomball.

Chapter 13: Nullism
Nullism was watching anime in complete darkness when Plenderplarism’s chainsaw materialized through quantum tunneling and sped at thousands of MPH at Nullism, who couldn’t see it coming because it was too D A R K. However, Nullism was not hit by the chainsaw, but it broke their TV, causing all of their anime to get destroyed. This enraged Nullism, who detonated a gigantic black hole bomb that tore apart the universe and Nullism with it.

If they can’t have anime, nobody can.

Chapter 14: Conseilism
Conseilism was rambling about (((them))) when FANDOMsoc overheard him and decided to ban his account not because he was making fun of Juden, but because there was a years-old paper he wrote in grade school that had the percentage “41%” on it, triggering Cuckburn because God forbid anyone say anything bad about transgender ideology, whether or not it was serious, ironic or unintentional. It’s ALMOST LIKE HE’S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING. Afterwards, Conseilism was furious with all of the jannies on the site, so he went to Sabkv and became the Angel in Black, Raper of the ToS. He went on a Demolism-fueled vandalism rampage and his alt got banned by Jade a little while later.

Everyone, including Jade (they were forced to ban Conseilism under the threat of having their Bureaucrat taken away administratively) was sad now that Conseilism and Rechtewig were gone, so they grabbed Cuckburn and threw him in a gigantic vat of fluoroantimonic acid. However, this attracted the attention of ANOTHER janny, the one that deleted Transphobia, so she banned each and every ideology that was present there, including the self-inserts Minnesotan Distributism, Neo-Airisuism and Duncanism.

Chapter 15: Lpyapersonism
One day, Lpyapersonism was reading the Bible and practicing his right-wing talking points in the mirror. He then went to watch some wholesome good Christian TV, but it was interrupted when Quarkism hacked the TV station to broadcast anti-theist messages. This made Lpyapersonism very angry, so he travelled all the way up to Fr*nchoid Quebec, where he proceeded to beat the living crap out of Quarkism. Unfortunately, since Quebec is a frigid Canadian shithole, there was no wifi, so Lpyaperson could not escape in time. He lived in Quebec for a few years and eventually converted Quarkism into Christianity (partly by force), but there was yet another threat; native FR*NCHOIDS. Eventually, the Fr*nch found where Lpyapersonism was hiding, but he escaped beforehand, leaving Quark to die. However, Quark was still very much a Fr*nch, so he just assimilated into the horde. We’ll get to him later. As Lpyapersonism eventually came back to America, he found that Inky turned the entire place into an Anarcho-Communist gigacommune where he would surely get his mom done if he entered. So, he decided to stay in Quebec.

Decades later, the Fr*nch eventually found and killed Lpyaperson, and the final thought that went through his head was “why didn’t I just go to the other parts of Canada?”

Chapter 16: Rutabagism
Rutabagism was in his home writing essays about why Quarkism hates cheese when he got the urge to write the ultimate wall of text; DEBUNKING MISES. It was perfect; if the Misestards didn’t read it, Rutabagism would win by default, but if the Misestards did read it, they would be destroyed by facts and logic. However, Rutabagism sorely underestimated Mises, as they were already extreme kakistocrats. This was proven when Rutabagism tried to argue with one and it snatched his essay and ate it. Rutabagism then thought that he had to go down to their level, so he started to sling ad-hominems at the Misestards. This got a reaction, and they bumbled around for awhile trying to catch Rutabagism. Eventually, the Misestards got tired and Rutabagism went home and got into bed.

After dreaming about walls of text and paragraph-laden essays about snails, Rutabagism was ready for a new day, since the last one was a miserable failure. Unfortunately for him, though, the Misestards did not forget his little experiment the other day, so they chased him even more. This time, however, Rutabagism was caught by the Misestards, who forced him to read books by Mises. The sheer stupidity of the books were too much for Rutabagism and his head exploded under all of the smooth brain Mises graphs that were pulled out of the LGBTA Wiki owner’s left testicle.